Rebirth

Hello.

I have gone through a tough turmoil that we all have or are going through at the moment: studying for and taking finals. I'm not some super smart ace or anything, and I'm lucky to have scraped by by the skin of my teeth this year, but I sure as hell tried. I made a sacrifice though. For three weeks, I shirked my responsibilities as a president.

Suuure....you say "well, student before president so don't worry". NO! dammit. NO! You are right about being a student first. After all, if I weren't a student in good standing, I would not, according to our bylaws, be able to serve as your president. However, a good president wouldn't have to shirk responsibility to get shit done.

If I were a good president, I would have a) prepared far enough in advance with as much detail that I wouldn't have to worry about the events during and after studies weeks (i.e. have a plan) or b) have dedicated, willing, and able members be appointed to take care of the responsibilities for me while I struggle to save my ass from the impending doom of probation and suspension (by the way, option two seems damn near impossible to fulfill because you are technically the most dedicated, so there is nobody else besides you who is willing to give up precious time and attention to cki rather than study, at least from my experience)

Do you really want a list where I messed up?
No. I won't give you that list. It's a sign of weakness, which, yes...I am showing. Buuut...that's not the point of this message.

The point is, for future presidents and CKI leaders, be prepared! First message: be prepared. Elementary in theory, difficult in practice. Shit will get thrown your way, distract you, and soon enough....crap the event is nigh! Then again, maybe it's just me. I see other people who make it look like cake. I'm sorry, but I am working toward that enlightened status. I just hope that this wake up call reaches you future leaders so it doesn't reach you like it did to me. Use your summer and winter break wisely!!

Second message: move on. I am almost done sulking and beating myself up for screwing up. President's don't normally get second chances. So I've been thinking, "crud, I botched my only chance to have a great secret santa bonding event" or " damn, another WaW weekend come and gone and NOBODY KNEW ABOUT IT".

Well, nothing I can do about it now. I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE TO THOSE WHO I HAVE LET DOWN.

You see, feeling guilty about failure shows that you really do care, but at the same time you can't let it slow you down. If you REALLY cared, you wouldn't let it happen again.

I lost sight of why I ran for president in the first place. All I saw were my failures and let them get to me. With all the stress of the past few weeks, it's easy to see that, but so much harder to see all the wins along the way. I've finally taken the time to reflect and see what is truly important to me. Thanksgiving is once a year, but really we should be thankful every day.

I'm thankful for:

the dozens of benefit walks we have helped out and cheered at
the memorable trips to California with new faces
the funky icebreakers that we do
the stories told at happy/sad change
our post meeting socials
all of our awesome videos
our visits to the boys and girls club
helping out at kids carnivals and events
getting swiped into the dining commons
spending a miserable night being homeless together
supporting a contestant in a pageant
meeting a real life hero - a child cancer survivor
scaring kids in a haunted house
bringing Christmas to a family in need
delivering food to the homeless every week
invading and claiming a study room
spending a weekend of getting lost and living in the forest
going out to the middle of nowhere to clean up the environment
getting to know each and every one of my new friends


Every day, we spend so much time thinking about what should have been done or what could have happened. We forget to think about what actually did happen and how much we have grown or experienced from it. I let myself be guided by clouded visions of "what ifs" that I forgot to see what I have always seen from the beginning: an amazing club with awesome potential.

I wasn't ready to lead before. I had no clear vision of the future I would be leading us to. Now I do. It's a new year and we all deserve fresh starts. Let's end this one not by thinking about what could have been, but what has and what will be. I am ready to lead once again, and I hope that you will be willing to help me.