Decisions

It's January 4th. Four days into the new year. Most people have already made their resolutions and set their goals. I made mine...it's to make this blog. You know what that means? I made a resolution to write so I can find my resolutions.

Basically, as it stands, I have no idea what I'm doing. Yes, I'm going to finish my term as President strong. And yes, I intend to pick up my grades and start learning to be more self sufficient....but where to begin?

Shit. I don't even have my classes set up. I guess it's because I still don't know where I want to go with CKI.

My term is almost up. Looking back at my caucus speech and all the promises I made...I really didn't get to do much of it. Sure, we accomplished so much and I am damn proud of this club but at the same time....

Am I done? Will I fade away like so many past leaders this club has had in the past?I've learned a valuable lesson when it comes to CKI. This club will be there for you if you need it. For those who have already gotten what they can out of the club - the service and need to help others, the chance to develop and grow as a leader, and an opportunity to meet and grow relationships with great many people - once that is all done and they can do no more with the club...they move on.

I don't know if it's my time to move on. A great part of me is saying, "look, you didn't do everything that you could have done. There is so much left for you to do and accomplish. This club still needs you and you still need it." At the same time, another part of me is saying, "you've had your shot. Now it's time to try a different avenue, a different approach. Stop focusing your time and effort in this and move on to something else."

It's weird. I used to think that all those who have left before me lost their passion and love for this club. It's not true. They just have moved on. The love is still there but the time is past. I just don't know if it's my time yet.

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't fill out my schedule for next year because I was lazy. No. It's because I don't know where to put my time and energy. I already know many of my friends and all of my family want to see me out of CKI. That in itself is motivation for me to stay, actually, as a show of defiance and dedication to this honorable club. However, I do feel that I have become distant...

When I commit myself, I fuckin do it. I just haven't decided yet. Time is running out.

I don't know if anybody reads this, but if you could please help me out, just talk to me. Please.